


All I Ask For

by JamKiske



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Doomed Timelines, M/M, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 12:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamKiske/pseuds/JamKiske
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doomed timeline; Dave has come to terms with John's death, only to discover that he isn't exactly dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ask For

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the Homestuck Shipping Olympics 2012 Round 2.  
> Also: Is there a way to format pesterlogs on AO3???

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re about fed up with this. Sure, you’ve had time; you always have time, to build yourself up, to climb up your echeladder. Nothing is really a problem anymore, well at least not on the surface. You can defeat any enemy that comes your way, and Rose is just as powerful in her own sense.

But what’s the point? You can’t beat the game on your own. You just want to go back and fix this, more than you’ve ever wanted anything. Yet Rose continues to insist that you’re not ready, that you need to become even stronger or things will just go wrong again. You know she’s right; you have to be completely ready so that this won’t happen again.

When you’re feeling at your worst, ready to just give up on it all, you go to see him, the representation of everything that went wrong. You hate seeing John, but you know you need it. You open the door to the dark room, the light of LOLAR making the chained up figure clearly visible. You enter slowly, keeping your distance from the rising figure, hands now reaching towards you hungrily.

You lean against the wall, eyes taking in every detail of John’s state for about the millionth time. He is dead, yet alive, a zombie that has to be kept like this lest he attack you or Rose. She’d insisted he be kept on LOLAR, knowing that having John on LOHAC would cause you to never leave his side. Neither of you are sure how he’d ended up like this. Rose theorized it was some attempt by the game to give you a failsafe. A means by which even after death, a player might still be present in the game. It doesn’t matter anyway since you’ve lost Jade. She’d never even made it into the game. Thus, the game is unwinnable.

Yet neither you nor Rose can bring yourselves to kill John, or rather what’s left of him. You hate how weak this makes you feel, how much it reminds you of the failure you face. Is it your fault that John has met this fate? Or course not, you know that.

But you still feel guilty. Guilty for a million other reasons. Guilty for never saying so many things you wanted to say. Guilty for never reaching out to John, for never telling him the truth and depth of your feelings.

You hate this, and Rose knows it.

She can see right through you. All of that psychoanalysis bullshit really isn’t total bullshit after all. She’s known your feelings all along, probably since before this fucked up game even started. You spilled it right when the two of you found John anyway.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a few weeks since either of you had heard from John. It wasn’t too hard to figure out what had happened to him as the two of you were well aware of his plan to face the denizen of his planet. He had been hell bent on doing it and clearly things had gone awry. You had begrudgingly accepted John’s death, with Rose doing her best to comfort you given the circumstances. She was upset too of course. She just tended to handle things in a much more matter of fact way.

“Dave,” she’d say, her voice flat and quiet, as she looked towards you with a concerned look on her face. “There was nothing we could do.”

But you couldn’t completely agree. What if you’d tried harder? What if you’d convinced John not to do it? What if you’d used your powers to stop him? That was when it hit you. You could fix this. Not in a way that would save John, not your John at least, but in a way that would at least make this game redeemable. When you explained your plan to Rose, she agreed with it wholeheartedly. You could see her relief as she did so; perhaps this would relieve some of your grief.

“Alright then, I’ll go.”

“No, Dave. Don’t be stupid.”

You almost jumped at her, filled with anger at the comment, “Stupid?! I want to stop this from-”

“You’re not strong enough.” Rose spoke with the same calm and gentle tone as before, slowly approaching you and gently placing her hands on your shoulders. “We can use this as an advantage, gain some experience and grow stronger before going back. That way you’ll be able to help beyond simply stopping this.”

You knew she was right of course. You were lucky to have Rose to stop your stupid impulsiveness. So you did as she said. The two of you explored as much of your planets as you could, eventually you decided that it would be advantageous to visit LOWAS. As you arrived with Rose, you instantly felt a sinking feeling in your stomach. This had been John’s domain, and now he was gone.

The two of you explored for quite a while, fighting imps as necessary. These enemies weren’t too much a difficulty for the two of you, especially after the training you had done on your own respective planets. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary, at least by the games standards, until you stumbled on a truly foreboding area. There was blood everywhere, along with some fresh corpses.

You turned to Rose, the look on her face just as confused and worried as you felt. “Stick to me.”

The two of you continued with weapons ready to be used. What you found was beyond anything you’d ever wanted to deal with. Zombies, the remains of both the salamanders that had initially inhabited this land and of the imps, approached you with arms reaching out and mouths hungrily open. Luckily these opponents didn’t prove too difficult for the two of you. You cut down zombie after zombie with your sword as Rose shot out spells with her needles. It was exhausting, but you managed to dispose of the enemies around you.

But it was too early to rejoice. Ahead of you there was an ominous trail of blood. The two of you simply looked at each and nodded before heading on, knowing you had to see this through. And there he was, gnawing on some sort of limb hungrily. John Egbert, or rather what was left of him.

You’d thought John was dead and gone. You’d come to terms with it, accepted that he’d never know the truth about your feelings for him, that he’d died without any certainty that you cared. Seeing him again brought you some twisted sense of hope. Maybe you could bring him back or at least make him understand that you were sorry, that you’d do anything to prevent this.

You simply stared for a while as he continued to bite pieces of the meat in front of him. He looked up at you as he ate, staring right back into your eyes, seeming to see right through your shades with those lifeless eyes. It was then that you know for sure that this was John Egbert. It was then that you let it slip. “I love you.” Those simple words. You’d spoken quietly though of course Rose heard, but she knew. You weren’t ashamed. Not anymore. He needed to know.

But it was all for naught. It wasn’t really John (although it was). What was left of your best friend, of the boy you loved, was just a shell. Decaying flesh, reaching hands, dead eyes – that was all that remained of John Egbert.

John’s response was to put down what he had been eating and begin making his way toward you, arms outstretched, groans emitting from his open and biting mouth. You took a step towards him before Rose stopped you, shooting a spell John’s way.

“Dave, I’m sorry.” You heard the sincerity in her voice, something different than that same level tone for once. It didn’t take you much effort to subdue John together, with you going through the motions, mind numb, as Rose took charge.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Now John is reduced to some sort of sick pet, chained to a wall in a makeshift shed on LOLAR, some sort of compromise between the two of you, unable to kill your old friend. You hate it. You hate what he’s become, yet you love him too much to simply put your sword through him.

Whenever Rose looks at you, there is a glint of pity in her eyes, devoid of the wit she used to pride herself on. You hate this too, but you know she gives you those looks because she cares. She can’t bring herself to kill John either after all.

You rise, cautiously lifting an arm to lightly touch John’s cheek, the remains of his flesh rough against your hand. It’s worth it to you, even though you sharply pull back to avoid the biting mouth that quickly goes for you hand.

“I’ll see you later John.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

You spend the night on LOHAC, unable to sleep. It’s hard to sleep these days. You’ve developed a habit that seems to help, or rather simply continued a habit you’d had before this hellish game. You lay in bed, booting up your iShades.

**\-- turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **began pestering ectoBiologist** **[EB]** **\--**

**TG: john**  
TG: im sorry  
TG: i shouldve tried harder  
TG: you dont deserve this  
TG: please dont hate me  
TG: youre everything  
TG: youre the only reason i played this game in the first place  
TG: i love you  
TG: you know that right  
TG: its okay if you dont love me back  
TG: i mean it makes sense if you hate me since this is kind of my fault  
TG: just know that ill fix this  
TG: ill stop it and save you  
TG: well another you i guess but what i mean is we can still win  
TG: i know you wanted to win  
TG: just hold on okay  
TG: ill make it alright 


End file.
